I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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