how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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