An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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