i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
