yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
