No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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