Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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