I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
