I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
