It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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