got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
