she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
