four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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