Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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