Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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