just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
