i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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