I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't deserve a penis
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
