watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize