now i know why i became what i already was.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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