this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You are the jesus of drinking
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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