I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
