Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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