help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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