you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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