God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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