I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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