ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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