If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
