I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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