The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Randomize
