Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
