Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
