What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
