White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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