I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
