If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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