haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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