It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
