1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
