So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the day after is always just damage control
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
