Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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