I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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