Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
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i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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