Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
