Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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