Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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