i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
