2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
