forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
