so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the day after is always just damage control
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
