You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
there's paper in my vomit.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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