just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
