I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
