he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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