so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
