Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
