normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
