i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
