My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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