ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
