Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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