I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
