Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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