Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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