I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
