All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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