a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
