I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize