Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
