At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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