Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
