Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
