Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
